Tips on getting the best deal on a new car

I am a filmmaker, defined not only by the fact that I've produced and directed quite a few films through an up and down career but rather and more importantly the process of filmmaking runs through my veins and pumps life into my heart. As such, it would make perfect sense to stay the course as a film maker. But, as any smart person will attest, during this strange journey we call life I, like many of you, managed to sidetrack myself along the way. And it is during this odd detour that I became known to many as the car guru. Now, for those that really know me, that's a really odd branding, as incongruous as a bear in a high-rise or, in my case, the quintessential city slicker in the thick of the woods. But that's life, isn't it?

THIS IS TEN times worse than a sharp stick in the eye, I sighed, as I gazed around my foreign surroundings. I was in a high-tech car showroom in Van Nuys, California, attempting to absorb the features on five shiny new Japanese automobiles, not as a buyer, but as a seller. I shuddered, still not believing how I had come to this. Pacing back and forth on the cold shiny floor, I felt the overhead lights embedded behind frosted panels beating down upon my aching head. I whispered in a dejected voice, “I can’t do this. I’m not a car salesman,” Not that anyone could hear me because the showroom was empty, which was just as well; I was scared stiff to talk to a customer.
I was 47 years old at the time, and a sorry sight indeed, wearing $800 loafers with holes in the soles, hence I knew it was a cold floor. A week earlier I had been looking for small change in the cracks of my sofa to buy a packet of spaghetti and can of tomato sauce to feed my family. Pretty tragic for a middle aged man with a wife, teenage daughter, 5 cats, 3 dogs, and bills that stacked higher than the showroom’s lofty ceiling. Gone was the gorgeous red Ferrari I used to own, gone the Hollywood Hills home, the yacht at Marina Del Rey, and a very healthy income. I was now a car salesman, and the very word repelled me. But if I could just last the day, I’d have a hundred dollars. If I could last the month, I’d have $2000, the minimum guarantee while training.

Yes, I was a sorry sight, at least in my mind. Two decades earlier, At 23 years of age, I’d come to America to earn fame and fortune in the entertainment industry. No I wasn’t one of the failed out-of-work actors who find refuge in the automotive industry. I had been a behind the scenes guy, a film editor, producer and director of low budget feature films with my own production company. Unfortunately, my fascination with technology ultimately became an anchor around my neck, and the high-tech studio I’d built from scratch fell prey to one of those entertainment industry union strikes that bring productions to a standstill. I lost pretty much everything.

Not my dignity.

“Go drive the cars, all of them, get to know them!” was just about the only instruction the sales manager gave me that first day. So it was quite a shock when on the second day he stormed up to me, waving his arms angrily close to my face. How dare I let a customer go without turning him over! Turning him over? Like a slab of meat in the frying pan, one flip of the wrist and the poor sucker was meant to be in the hands of another salesman. "Get back out there and grab another up!" His finger almost poked me in the eye. "And if you want to work in this business, you better get it through your skull! Turn, don't burn!"

Despite my visceral desire to deck the 25-year-old manager, I apologized weakly. I needed that $2000 minimum guarantee.

It wasn’t long before I took another scolding. ”Go get a commitment!” he yelled. I stood confused, ashen-faced on the other side of the sales manager’s desk. For the life of me I didn’t know what the heck he was talking about. I was sure the customer wanted the car, wasn’t that commitment enough? “Just go get me a ff—ing commitment! he shouted into my face again,” dismissing me abruptly with a wave of his arm.

So they teach you nothing and you’re expected to know it all.

I learned quickly a commitment was the customer’s signature on a work order specifying a dollar amount that he/she would drive the car home for right away. “If I can sell this car to you for $30,000 including all taxes and fees, you’re telling me you’ll drive it home today, Ms Smith. Is that correct?”

I'll get to what happened next, but first imagine that you're in a supermarket pushing your cart down the magazine aisle when you notice a car buying guide. You're days away from getting a new car so you stop to read this thing.

IT”S A BIG PURCHASE.

“Many say it’s the second largest you’ll ever make. You’ve heard horror stories about car dealers. And you’ve been warned: From the media to the public, father to son, coworker to coworker, you’ve been primed to watch out for the slick car salesman. Yes indeed their fancy silk ties mean they’re making more than the president. But even with the warnings, even when we arrive at the car dealership prepared, for many of us, when we drive away in that new automobile, the pit in the stomach is not unfounded. Take the story of Travis McPhee.

Travis spent hours researching the new car he wanted, he read cover-to-cover two automobile magazines, and visited no less than 5 car websites. Feeling empowered with his newfound knowledge, Travis walked into an Infiniti dealership, where he was greeted by Vinnie, an ultra-friendly, low-pressure type of salesman who took him for a test drive, and didn’t ask any annoying questions such as: “So, Travis, if I make you a great deal, will you take the car today?” In fact, when Travis mentioned that he’d heard what other smart shoppers were paying, Vinnie agreed, and said if he were sitting on the other side of the desk, he wouldn’t pay a cent more. Armed with the knowledge he’d learned on-line, and feeling confident that he was in control, Travis decided to buy right away. (By the way, that was not necessarily his mistake).

Two hours later, as he drove away in his new Infiniti G37, feeling ecstatic about the best car buying experience he’d ever had, the salesman and his finance manager slapped each other a good old-fashioned high-five. In dealership language they’d just made a five-pounder.

It translates to a five thousand dollar gross profit!

How did Travis McPhee, a smart shopper, get taken? How did a $500 dealer profit turn into a $5000 dealer profit?

I can tell you it was not sleight of hand, nor bait and switch, but rather something much more prevalent yet almost invisible in a car dealership, a simple tactic that makes car dealers buckets of cash every month, and it’s number one on my list of rip-offs at the car dealership. I’ll get to it soon.

No wonder car buying is so stressful. Do you dare walk into a car dealership without a ready excuse on the tip of your tongue—have to pick up the kids; got a plane to catch, going to be late for a meeting with my state senator—so you can escape the salesman’s greedy pincers?

Maybe you’re brave and stuff like this doesn’t bother you, or perhaps you watched a TV segment on how to beat the salesman at his own game.

Game?

Is it really a game? What if your skills aren’t as honed as you thought? What if after all your groundwork you still get a lousy deal? Hey, no problem. You’ve got money to burn, don’t you? What’s a thousand, or two, or three?

All this sounds pretty scary. Let’s face it, all you want is a new car. Not the nightmare that goes along with it! Can this be achieved?

Actually, it can and very easily.

Pay sticker!

Just kidding. . .

But seriously, within these pages I’m going to show you the other side of the bargaining table. You’ll understand why car salesman lie, how to spot it when he or she does, and to know when you’ve found a salesman who’s a mensch—Yiddish word for someone who does the right thing. You’ll see who gets the best deals and why, and you’ll find out who is more likely to be drilled a new ahole—crass term used by some salesmen.

This isn’t a step-by-step manual on how to beat the salesman, or the system. Nor is this one of those guides instructing you to conceal your trade car until the end of the negotiations, or to hold onto your driver’s license so you won’t be held hostage at the dealership—tips found in just about every car-buying guide in the marketplace that do absolutely nothing to prevent you from being ripped off. But this little book is chock full of real insider information, gathered over 10 years inside a major Los Angeles car dealership.
While this book might save you thousands on your next car purchase, will it help you make the best deal ever? Truth be told, no matter what you do, research from now until doomsday, haggle all night, scream, stomp up and down, someone at some time, at some place, will probably better your deal.

So what’s the point?

Smarts.
Sir Francis Bacon once said, “Knowledge is power.” So, dear reader, be prepared to explore, to seek out new information, things that might help you smile a little with confidence as you sign on the dotted line. And smile a little, or a lot, after you’ve signed on the dotted line. Because that’s what’s it’s all about, isn’t it?

Now where was I? Oh yeah, I was stuck in this lousy car dealership with a spitting and screaming maniac for a manager, and I'd had my fill of him, so I socked him in his jaw, broke all of his teeth, and finished this venomous piece of mutton off with a gnarly kick to his balls, which he rightfully deserved. Yeah, yeah, I gritted my teeth and bottled my anger.

Another day wore on, then the next day, and the next week, and the next month. Other salesmen joined the company; others quit for greener pastures and adventures. My 48^th birthday came, then my 49^th, 50^th, I stayed, I learned, I endured. I wore new shoes, new suits, new one-hundred dollar ties.

I became an insider.

And an outsider—meaning I refused to conform to the norm. I never considered myself a car salesman or car sales manager. I was just a person who, because of circumstances, sold cars. I always was a dimensional human being with proclivities and abilities in many arenas. The reason I bring this up is not for the purpose of self endorsement but rather to set up for you one of the themes of this book: to look outside the box.

Upon introspection, the ten years I spent in the automobile retail business is a treasure trove. Inside the trove I find things I’ve loathed, things I have appreciated, and little gems of information that might just save your ass big time on your next car purchase.

So they teach you nothing and you’re expected to know it all is how it all began.

But I did learn. And so can you.

CHAPTER 1

IT'S A WAR

On one side, there’s the public, people like you and your family and friends. Although you don’t want to go into battle to buy a car, you’ll more than likely follow a tradition, something that goes way back in time, to the 1950s, and it's set into stone your place on the battlefield—you can bargain and you can cross-shop and you can call a dealership or walk in armed with words and phrases like: discount, best price, invoice, holdback, residual, and what else can you throw in?

On the other side of the battlefield there’s a salesman and sales manager trying to defend their ability to make money, and in some cases to recoup some of the losses for the disastrous deal they made earlier. Even the nicest new salesman soon learns that the customer really doesn’t care about his commission. He learns that the customer wants one thing only: the lowest price, and then some. It’s not long before that nice salesman arms himself, and often becomes a sniper, out to get you.

However nice the salesman is, know this: if you are bargaining and cross shopping (which is almost all of us) you better be on the alert for minefields in the dealership. And know this, the salesman is only the forth most likely individual in the dealership to rip you off!

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